I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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