lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
