It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
