so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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