Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
