i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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