I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
