im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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