When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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