So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
