Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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