Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
