The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
