I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
