I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
