Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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