I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
