dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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