Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my being single is dangerous.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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