I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
he had hair everywhere except his balls
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
