I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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