Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
