He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize