We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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