even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
