New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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