just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
