If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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