oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
