Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
