My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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