she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
