I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
