the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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