Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
