We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
