i may or may not be watching the land before time
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
