I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The power of my boobs compel you
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
