Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
