Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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