i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
