Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
