3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
