guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
