Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
