I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You ruined the universe
Randomize
