I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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