I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
