the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
