My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
