All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
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