porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
