I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
