wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
