Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Randomize