We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
