Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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