remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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