my mouth tastes like poor choices
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
