God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
im on a boat
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