id be glad to
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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