I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
