What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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