apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
