Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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